Sometimes things suck.. here's a funny story.

It’s interesting to me that all of a sudden a bunch of bad stuff seems to be happening. Terrible things have happened to friends lately: death, cancer, adoption issues, and just flat out bitchiness.

So it’s time for a funny story. I had almost forgotten about this but something reminded me yesterday…

A few years ago I used to get my bikini line lasered. As a general rule, I hate body hair. And if I can permanently remove it… I will. So..

If you have never done this—it’s not as fun as it sounds. The laser is like a million little hot rubber bands beating the crap out of your bikini area. And THEN… it scabs! Incredibly alluring.. just ask the guy I was dating at the time.

You basically go in- strip off your pants and undies and sit there while someone’s face and hands holding a LASER are right next to your most personal area… you have to have a good sense of humor and be fairly comfortable with yourself to do this. Oh- and you are wearing space age goggles.

Anyway- I used to schedule all my appointments with one nurse specifically because she would always have these crazy stories about putting her dog in dog shows. She had a Lhasa Apso named Moonshadow… and she would show me pictures and tell me all about the training, and the shows, and the grooming—all while lasering my bikini line… OH- and she used to call individual hairs “little guys” which made me laugh. As in, “This little guy just won’t burn off”

SO.. the point of this story is that one day… MOONSHADOW WAS IN THE OFFICE! So I am all excited to hang out with Moonshadow—maybe watch her do a trick while my nether regions are on fire… But the nurse goes one better….

After I undress and put my goggles on, the nurse ( I wish I remembered her name) decides that I should HOLD MOONSHADOW IN MY LAP! So she picks him up and puts him on top of me.

So there I am… no clothes on my bottom half, goggles, and a Lhasa Apso in my lap. So I kind of was like.. hey doggie… and just gave him a little pat.

Happy Friday.

Defriendship stings....

I have been defriended- it’s true. The last person to defriend me was a sorority sister. I don’t know why—but my assumption is that she found my posts annoying. The other person who defriended me is a girl I knew in high school. She actually told someone my posts annoyed her. That’s ok- sometimes my posts annoy me too.

I do know that I made a comment a few weeks ago about health care and I posted about it on my blog. I was defriended by that I am sure. But let’s be honest… I don’t agree with the many of the views of friends on facebook.

But I don’t always agree with everyone I know in REAL LIFE—no one does. If we were all the same life would be incredibly boring and sad.

Maybe you don’t agree with how I conduct my life? That’s fine. “Hide” me—I don’t care. In fact I don’t really care that I got defriended- it’s more funny than anything else.

But just remember I sat in the same room with you and played “I never” and I didn’t judge.

And... if you are curious- I'm not going to say who it was.

How awkward was it??

So awkward that since I was introduced to Rob 3 last week he has been in the office three times and not once has he stopped in to say hello.

Matchmaking stinks. Let’s face it the matchmaker always turns out to be in the middle. You may think you know two people who are PERFECT for each other- and maybe they just don’t click. Or maybe one guy turns out to be a douche and never calls the girl back… this recently happened to me. I felt terrible. I’m not that close with the guy.. so when he didn’t call my friend back after two dates I couldn’t figure it out. I just felt like it was somehow my fault that I had a dirtbag friend.

The best thing about being set up these days is that you can check out the facebook profile prior to meeting. For example: Rob 1 had a really weird profile picture when I first met him… he looked cute in his other pictures… but this was of him pretending to have bowling ball boobs. Rob 1 was clearly 15 and probably just looking for a ride to the mall.

Rob 2 looked very handsome in his profile. BUT his about me was so cheesy. He talked about how romantic he was and how he was just a good Colorado guy looking for a good girl. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I love facebook, but it’s intended for fun.. not to meet your soulmate. That was what Friendster was for.

Rob 3 on the other hand had a picture of himself IN A HOT TUB… with a doo rag and a beer!

This is an unacceptable profile picture unless your name starts with Bret and ends with Michaels. (PS- who is watching him on Celebrity Apprentice? Poor guy- he’s really dorky, huh?)

I guess I don’t have a great way to wrap this up—except always trust your gut. When your friend wants to set you up and you know from the start you aren’t feeling it… it’s best to let it go.

How was your day at work? I was uncomfortably introduced to a possible suitor...

Today at work a coworker decided to play matchmaker...

A few weeks ago she told me about this guy and she said, “he’s so nice and he reminds me of well… George Costanza”

Oh good… as if I didn’t have enough neurosis for one relationship—he could add even more. THEN she told me his name was Rob. Now- if you are reading this and your name is Rob and I haven’t dated you… then congratulations… you can keep reading… if you ARE a Rob I have dated… then skip ahead Choose Your Own Adventure style.

I will keep this brief and say I have bad luck with guys named Rob. NOT Bobs, however. LOVE Bobs… especially Bob Ross… but that story will come on another day.
SO my coworker comes in… lets me know he is here and she’ll bring him down soon. I know she has the best of intentions—but it all came across very awkwardly---

Coworker: Kacee, this is Rob.
Kacee: Hi, nice to meet you.
Rob: Nice to meet you
HANDSHAKE
Coworker: Well, you guys are both nice people so I thought you should meet…
Kacee: Well, this isn’t awkward.

Uncomfortable banter follows… I douche out and give him my BUSINESS CARD…. And then he gives me his… and that dear friends is the end of that. He seems very nice and DOES NOT look like George Costanza in any way. Perhaps the third Robs a charm.

Who is Justin Bieber and when did I get so old?

WHO is this Justin Bieber and why is he popping up all over the place?

Let’s be honest… I really only sneak back toward pop music if Britney has an album out.. And from what I can tell she’s back on the Cheetos and Starbucks… so it’s going to be awhile. Until then I will continue to be musically snobby and sit in my office and listen to my Sigur Ros and feel depressed.

But really? WHO is this guy? Why does he look so tiny? Is he a Jonas Brother? I DON’T KNOW. I get irritated when I don’t know who these people are… I feel like I used to be in the know.. when did I get so old?

Like when Twilight came out… it was all over the place… and I had to google it.. In fact I still don’t know what it is. It’s a romance about vampires? AND I still don’t get the thing with Robert Pattinson and his hair… and when the movie came out and everyone was like TEAM JACOB or whatever.. I had to google that too. I am still stuck on the TEAM ANISTON train! I am becoming a dinosaur. Eventually I will realize that my pop culture references to Balky in Perfect Strangers will no longer be looked at with humor… but with pity.

Last night I was just talking about the Real World and how I desperately want to break up with it.. but I can’t!! It’s too difficult.. life without the Real World means I am officially old. I want to not watch.. but turning away would mean that I am officially in the VH1 zone… and then I’ll never know who Justin Bieber is.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror....

I’m really not. But just one quick thing about all the political issues about healthcare reform and everyone on the faceplace today going nutballs about it—IF you don’t agree- do something about it. Write your Congress person--- not just update your status. Make sure you vote, get involved… I am not going to voice my opinion either way- but I do think if you really feel strongly about something then take action.

No one wants to hear me talk about that though. People want funny stories and right now I have very few. Although I was reminded this weekend about how when I was a kid I made a puffy paint sweatshirt of Homey the Clown. It had a picture of his face on it and said, “Homey don’t play that.”

And why wouldn't you want my opinion about the Academy Awards?

Last night as I lie in a carbohydrate induced coma, Kristal said to me “I hope that is going in your blog” In reference to the fact that Kristal seems to think I should be the next girl to date George Clooney. OR Jeremy Renner... which thank goodness he didn't win.. it would only be more difficult for me to get my foot in the door.

That meant I had to write a blog. SO here it is… I know that opinions are like a$$holes- and everyone has one.. and I like to keep mine (both) to myself … but because Kristal asked for it…

First of all, Kristal and I have watched about 12 years of Academy Awards together- beginning my freshman year of high school at Mrs. Highley’s house. We were practicing for the PCL Lit. Contest (we won- obviously). I realized then that two things would never change for me 1. Cold hot dogs taste gross and 2. I love watching the Oscars with Kristal.

This year our “food theme” was Midwest Farmer’s Daughter. So we made lots of casseroles.. all a success, except for the wretched and distended look of my belly when I got home.

So the best part of the night was playing who aged better when it came to the stars of John Hughes movies. The winner was “Ducky” aka the guy from that show I don’t watch with on again/off again Rehab star Charlie Sheen on CBS. Judd Nelson looks like a homeless man. And what happened to Macauley Culkin’s nose?

Also- I always wonder why certain “stars” are presenters at the awards. I mean what was Queen Latifah doing there? Honestly. Didn’t she win for Chicago like 6 years ago or something? She is ALWAYS THERE! I don’t get it. Or Miley Cyrus and Amanda Seyfried. I know this may offend some people- but being in a Nicholas Sparks movie should not allow you to be a presenter at the Academy Awards. Again- just my opinion. I don’t like touchy feely movies- which is why I did not nor will ever see The Blind Side.

There were a lot of great moments… and for the most part those were punctuated with my trips to the kitchen for more casserole… but for me the biggest highlight was the quote “Hey Ferris, this yo day off?” from Matthew Broderick, who has been drinking the Rapid Aging Potion again.

Also the snuggies. Clever.

My favorite quote was from Kristal was in an email I received this morning and I have to agree with her to some degree… “The more time that passes, the more ripped off I feel about up in the air. And precious. They were robbed.”

So here are my thoughts on Precious. Man- if you haven’t seen it- you should. Then never watch it again. I love the commercials for the DVD that say “OWN IT TODAY!” No thanks… But it really bothered me that Oprah kept calling Gabourey Sidebe “Gabby”. Oprah- your best friend is Gail… not “Gabby” stop addressing her by a nickname to show the world how tight you are. We get it. Oh- and when Kathy Ireland was there (HUH?) talking to Gabourey? As Kristal said, She’s speaking to her as if she is deaf.

In closing- my other favorite quote from Kristal is… “too bad Sean Penn is such a d*ck. He’s such a humanitarian.”