Monday, September 13, 2010

Natural Gatorade = Natural Disaster

I know you all are DYING for updates on my training… but first what you REALLY want to know…

1.Last night on Big Brother After Dark, Lane used Just for Men on his beard. It stung a little and Hayden thought he should have left it on a little longer so it would be darker, however, Enzo thinks it’s dark enough.
2.I watched the entire second season of Everest: Beyond the Limit and ANOTHER documentary on Mt. Everest. It’s like I’m stalking the mountain. Last night I was recognizing landmarks without the help of the narrator. Seriously… this has gotten out of hand.

This last weekend marked my longest run to date. I woke up at 5:30 on Saturday… drank my coffee.. watched Big Brother and ate my Power Bar. I met my friends at 7 and thought.. ok last week for 16 miles I drank only Gatorade during the run and I felt great. I’ll do that this time- but because I’ve lost a bottle on my fuel belt (which would normally just hold water) I’ll bring an extra Gatorade with me. And not just regular Gatorade… “NATURAL” Gatorade—bought on a whim at Whole Foods. Spoiler Alert… this was not a good whim.

So we’re off. I drink all the Gatorades and I’m feeling ok until we climb a huge hill at about mile 16… we’ve had to stop because of traffic a few times and I really am not sure my legs can take it… but even worse- I realize that my stomach can’t take it… in fact it’s pissed about this Natural Gatorade and wants to make sure I know it. I’m already sensitive to sugar … and the “natural” gatorade was sitting like a rock in my stomach and I feared the worst… I’ve seen the pictures.. I know what can happen.

I tell the girls to go on ahead when we reach mile 17… I’m going to have to walk. I couldn’t believe it. I’d made it 17 miles and I was going to WALK the last mile? I jog/walked the rest of the way… and as my stomach began to feel better, my ego felt worse.

On my drive home I called my mom nearly in tears. I felt like a failure. I didn't make it... and I should have. However, two of my friends ran 12.5 miles on Saturday rather than the 13 they’d planned. Was I disappointed in them? No… I was happy for them and excited… so why would I be so hard on myself?

I went home and paced around the house… I couldn't relax and I couldn't even get into my post race routine … I just couldn't get it out of my head that I didn’t “RUN” 18 miles… I couldn’t see that what I had accomplished was a pretty big deal.

Yesterday I was telling my massage therapist about it and she says, “Kacee, you are stupid.” That made me laugh 1. Because she is Ukrainian and her voice always sounds like she’s scolding me and 2. I realized she was completely right. One way or another I accomplished my 18 mile training run… and it’s called “training” for a reason. So for the next five weeks I’m not only training my body, I’m training my mind and trying to realize that sometimes everyone has to walk.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Marathon training has turned me into an insomniac and an obsessive.

Marathon training has turned me into an insomniac and obsessive. Perhaps that’s going a bit too far- you won’t see me on any TLC programs any time soon… Let’s just say that I am not sleeping well and I have developed a great interest in the following:
• Big Brother After Dark
• Mt. Everest documentaries, television shows, books, google searches, etc.

The Big Brother After Dark obsession would never have developed if I could fall asleep at night. Last night I lay on the couch watching Hayden and Lane cut Enzo’s hair. This took an hour. And I watched ALL OF IT. It’s ridiculously pathetic. I dvr After Dark every single day and watch the majority of it while recovering after a long run on the weekend when I don’t want to think. I just want to watch people do mundane things around the house. OR more accurately I want to fall asleep to people doing mundane things around the house. .. never happens. I get wrapped up in the absurdity of it all. Will they play pool after dinner? Will they work out? Will Lane trim his beard tonight?? SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS!


About a year ago I read Into Thin Air, which for a time created an obsession with any adventure based books– note these are not CHOOSE your own adventure books- recently this obsession has returned. Maybe it's because I'm pushing myself.. and watching others do the same helps? Maybe not.

The last two weekends I’ve watched nothing but documentaries about climbing Mt. Everest (well documentaries and Big Brother). Don't worry- I am not planning a trip to Kathmandu any time soon. Remember when the Real World took vacations to places that didn’t have hot tubs? And Real World Seattle went to Nepal and David says they were going to “Legit Nepal?” Their experience is just about as close to climbing Everest as I will get.

Besides the treacherous terrain, the intense mental and physical strength required, etc, etc… climbing Mt. Everest takes a lot of cash and let’s face it- I have expensive taste in handbags. AND if you know anything about climbing Mt. Everest you know that involves months of camping. CAMPING. This chick doesn’t camp… And these documentaries have yet to show me how one uses the restroom in this situation.

So as I lie awake last night I was thinking about these obsessions and how they relate to my insomnia and ultimately my running… I thought maybe if I write them down… It will all make sense… and yet..

It doesn’t. I think more than anything I realize that I ramble when exhausted and that I’ve just exposed exactly how much tv I watch…

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Marathon training has turned me into a sap.

Usually my blog posts are meant to be funny- and sometimes they are… but this one is much more personal…

I just finished a book called What I Talk about When I Talk about Running. For those of you who know amazing literature you will notice that this is based on What We Talk about When We Talk about Love by Raymond Carver. Anyway… the book really touched me and inspired me to write about my own running experience.

Marathon training has turned me into a sap.
I tear up over everything.

Looking at pictures of a guy running the Leadville 100? Cry.

Reading about the Endurance 50? Cry.

Seeing Jeff Lewis hold a baby on Flipping Out? Cry.

For reals. I don’t know what happened to me… the last two months my life have basically been nothing but running. I read about running, I talk about running, I run, and then I rest so I can run again. Then everything that has to do with running makes me really emotional. I don’t know if it’s about the strength of the human spirit and the training and everything that goes into the running that gets me? For example on a 10 mile run the other day we were behind a blind runner. He was tethered to a runner in front of him and wore a shirt that said “blind runner” and this guy was blowing our pace out of the water and he had no clue where he was going. He was running just because he loves running. WHAT? Tears….

And all this emotion has crossed over into everything. …
I get my feelings hurt more easily.
I laugh more. Mostly at myself.
I’ve become very sentimental.
I’m realizing the friends and relationships that really matter in my life… and also the ones that don’t.

I also realize that I am capable of much more than I imagined. And a lot of the second rate bullshit that I have put up with for way too long is ridiculous.

I didn’t expect this. I thought I would just run and it would be a good time and it would probably hurt (and it does) and in the end I’d get a nice medal and check another goal off the list. But now I realize that I don’t want to stop because marathon training Kacee ( and the eventual marathon completing Kacee) is a lot stronger than the old Kacee. And I like her.