Thursday, October 13, 2011

Twice in a week?


Actually I've decided to quit facebooking for a bit and that has freed up a significant amount of time. Why? Facebook can be a bitch. There. I said it. However, according to my blog "stats" (My new obsession) I realize that the majority of my readers access the blog through facebook. So I will make exceptions to post... and to comment on Debbie Gibson being on Celebrity Apprentice (Holla!)

I also received a lot of kind emails and posts and chats from you guys so I thought I'd keep it up. Plus someone found the blog by searching "CRUSH BOB COSTAS" so maybe there is someone else out there? We could make a two person support group.

My friend C.P. really liked the "That's just Kacee" idea... so in keeping with that theme here are some TJK moments that occurred just this week... and it's only Thursday.


On Phil Collins:
Yesterday morning I caught myself JAMMING to Sussudio by Phil Collins. Like bobbing my head, tapping my feet, eating cheez its to the beat. The sad part was that not only did I catch myself doing it. I mentioned it to my friend Figs- and then kept on chair dancing. Whatever. Phil Collins is awesome. I'm totally secure saying that.

On Jimminy Cricket:
C.P. also told me she described me to someone as “her Jimminy Cricket- except with fewer top hats.”
Kacee: I do have a top hat!
C.P.: This is not a surprise.

On The Two Year Old Ninja:
Kendall is Kristal’s 2 year old and she LOVES LOVES Jill. she likes me but loves Jill and so Tuesday night she was all about Jill- who brought her skittles- which Kendall called m and ms.Kendall just got a new kitchen as a gift and she was making "M and M soup." Well, she does this thing called Mad Ninja and she wouldn't do it and so i said I'll eat your m and m soup if you do it so she's like ok.... she does it... we laugh... and then I "pretend" to eat an m and m...granted they had been in her hands forever and the DOG had stuck its face in the bowl,etc. and she looks at me. SUPER serious. And says....


And everyone is dying laughing. And I am like uh... because it’s pretty nasty. And again she looks at me and says...


so I look in the bowl and try to find the shiniest one... that didn't look like it had too much wear and tear...

and i put it on the spoon with the two year old Ninja staring me down.... and I bit it. I believe photos were taken.

On Perseverance:
I had had a rough week but was determined to keep my spirits up. I was talking to Figs about this and began to sing the old 80s gem "Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride. Ain't nothin' gonna slow me down. Oh no!" And she replied "I got to keep on movin!" Which led me to remember that as a child I thought the words were "I got to keep my boobies"

What? That makes no sense.

On My Workout
Usually at work I try to do the basement workout. What is this? Is there a workout room in our building? No. I go down to the conference room in the basement and basically jazzercise by myself for about 20 minutes. I've been caught multiple times. In fact the last time the young maintenance guy walked in on me I just said, "What? You know I do this." Since it's been nice this week I've been walking instead. So yesterday I'm walking and listening to my Ol Dirty Bastard Pandora station. It was playing "Still D.R.E." which I like to think I can rap along to (I can't) but I'm mouthing the words as I go. I see this nice older gentleman in his yard and for some reason I think he's talking to me. I take off my headphones and we have a moment of severely uncomfortable eye contact.... then I just say "HI!" and keep going. I'll be taking a different route today, thank you.

On Slacker Radio:
There have been a few times this week on my Slacker “Favorite Songs” station that some weird songs come on and I think why did it just play "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul? Oh. Because I said it was a favorite. Also "Toy Soldier" by Martika. Clearly 13 year old Kacee was making herself a playlist unbeknownst to 33 year old Kacee who was listening to Phil Collins...

Monday, October 10, 2011

Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down… by my nightguard.

My nightguard isn’t the focus of this blog… (audible sigh of relief by readers)… but how the nightguard signifies the importance of not taking yourself too seriously.

I had really funny parents. And let’s be honest- my childhood had all the makings of an After School Special (sans braces and creepers leering at me as I walked home from school.) But my parents taught me early on to laugh at myself. In fact- I still remember some of the dumb things I said as a kid (upon opening a Totino’s pizza at Heather Payne’s house “There is so much cheese on that pizza!” The pizza looked like it was covered in cheese.... because it was upside down.) I remember my mom telling the story about how my dad walked around all day on campus with one of the lenses missing from his sunglasses… and how when he realized it he thought it was so funny.

So last week I went to brunch with some dear friends from out of town, my friend M. and her new man, and the BF (who for blogging purposes shall be referred to as Master Bacon- this is a nod to both bacon and our favorite superhero... and yes I know what other word Master Bacon sounds like... This is not intentional). So during brunch in an effort to simply make conversation, I realized that 85% of what comes out of my mouth is pure ridiculousness. (The other 15% percent includes: commentary on hair care, Early Childhood Education, animals in costume, and reality television.)

So readers here are some of the brunch highlights:
• My dream about being served a deli sandwich at some fancy charity event where I was seated next to Susan Sarandon. Susan had a plate of beans and I was irritated, because as a vegetarian I should have been served beans- not a turkey sandwich. I left the event to attend a friend’s party and walked in at the same time as (gasp!) Dream Guy Bob Costas. But I had to leave early to help my friend with his food truck. This is the most unbelievable part of the dream actually, because everyone knows I can’t cook.
• I also mentioned that the night before I had come home and decided to open a PBR and considered “drinking it in the shower like a man does” I didn’t realize this was so funny. My two girlfriends couldn’t stop laughing, their gentlemen seemed confused yet complimentary and Master Bacon just lowered and shook his head. If my life were a 90s sitcom, we would cut to me looking into the camera and shrugging my shoulders and a “That’s just Kacee!” theme song would play.

So what’s the nightguard have to do with it?

Master Bacon and I had only been on one date when I learned I’d have to start sleeping with a mouth guard for my TMJ, his exact words were… “Wow, you sleep in an eye patch (he meant mask) and wear a night guard? You’re a catch.”

Yay, me.

Oddly enough I never knew that the night guard would change my life. Not only do I no longer wake up with headaches, but I became much more entertaining.

At night I’ll typically say “Ok, I’m putting the night guard in” which means Master Bacon will have prepared a series of questions ….The answers to which have many s’s…. when I speak -everything with an s sound is now replaced with a shhhh sound.

For example:
What’s my favorite football team?
The Shanfranshico Forty Ninersh

What state is next to North Dakota?

And so on and so forth.

I could’ve made the nightguard a big deal. I could’ve been awkward and embarrassed to wear it in front of him. But I wasn’t. And I’m glad… talking in my nightguard is frankly, hilarious.

Dtaylo always says, “One day you’ll look back on this and laugh.”

So why not just start laughing now?

Post Script: I began this post about a week ago and then a bunch of crappy stuff happened and I didn't feel I could post this since I wasn't being true to what I had written. However, today as I came in to work (late because I'm not sleeping well and have had a lot on my mind- I know boo hoo.) I realized that the air is on in our office and so I've been forced to wear gloves. Unfortunately this meant that my fingers are fat and while facebook stalking (shut up- we all do it) I accidentally added a friend when I just meant to "like" the post. Then I had to unfriend her so as not to seem like a creeper but probably made it worse by writing a message that I was sorry I friended her by mistake. So what was once a terribly frustrating and freezing cold morning- is now just funny... That's just Kacee.