Friday, November 18, 2011

I heart Roberts.

If you've read my blog you know I have had a tumultuous past with men named Rob, even as recently as this last week ... oh... sweet, adorable 24 year old Rob...And I spent the entire day after Thanksgiving watching a marathon of Restaurant Impossible with Robert Irvine (have you SEEN his arms?).

Roberts haunt me.

The summer my father died, Bob Ross became a consistent male presence in my life. Every day at 3pm J.S. and I would talk on the phone during The Joy of Painting. And when we'd sign off (this happened for years not just that summer) we'd repeat Bob's well wishes of "Happy Painting and God Bless."

That was also the last year I attended Vacation Bible School. I LOVED Vacation Bible School and that year was probably my favorite. One project was to come up with a slogan for a bumper sticker- after our ironic viewing of the OH GOD! movies, J. and I submitted THINK GOD! for our sticker. I was sure ours was most clever... but another group had "SIN HAPPENS."  Way funnier.

We also made shrinky dinks that summer. Remember when you could draw on a piece of plastic... bake it in the oven and TA DA! Magic! It was a tiny rendering of your original work! I think most kids drew crosses or something related to the material. J. drew Rainbow Head (Played by Christopher Walken on Saturday Night Live) and I drew Bob Ross. We were 12 and clearly... very hilarious. These shrinky dinks were then made into pins which we stylishly affixed to our jean jackets, etc.

I have no idea where mine is now... but I drew Bob as a skinny guy in a green t shirt... Bob's afro was mainly just a big brown circle around his head and his skin was yellow so... he looked jaundiced. They didn't make flesh colored markers in 1990.

Later that summer PBS announced that Bob Ross would be appearing 30 miles away in SPRINGFIELD MISSOURI! AT MICHAELS! the sky opened and heavenly sunshine came through. Happy Days are HERE AGAIN! J. and I would meet our idol. Screw you, New Kids on the Block!

Before I go further I should mention, Bob was the first in a long string of celebrities I've embarrassed myself in front of (all of Radiohead, Dave Schools from Widespread Panic, Cheryl and Kim from Dancing with the Stars, Brad Pitt... but I'll save those stories for another day.)

Bob was a ladies man, let's face it. There were women EVERYWHERE. And they were fawning all over him! He looked exactly like he did on the show. And was just as pleasant and kind as you might imagine.

J. and I arrived and waited in line with all the other ladies, and when it was finally my turn I stood next to him wearing... My Bob Ross shrinky dink pin. What happened next was probably the first moment I realized that I could be funny for people outside of my family and friends...

Bob Ross: What a beautiful lady on your pin!
Kacee: THAT'S YOU BOB!!!!!!!

Laughter and applause from the crowd. Sheepish smiling and nodding from Bob Ross. Invisible pat on my back from a million angels.

Like most adolescents I was terribly skinny,  had bad skin, and hadn't quite grown into my hair. But Bob autographed my piece of white notebook paper "To Kacee, a beautiful young lady."

That day will always be such an important part of my life. I was just talking to my boss about how we affect others lives in ways we may never know... maybe just saying hello or giving a compliment could turn someone's day around.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Expect the Unexpected

Sometimes things don't go the way you expect them to. Sometimes you mistake paprika for cinnamon and put in your pancakes... Sometimes you wake up and see that your ex is now on a reality show... awesome... if I so choose I can see him on tv every week. Yay.

My cat Estella is named after the bitchy object of Pip's affection in Great Expectations. (Why did I do that? She's grown into the name. Again- Yay.) But as far as the book goes... Pip's expectations changed as he changed... and that isn't easy.

Expectations can be dumb. The odds of your expectations actually becoming reality are terrible. 50%? MAYBE? Well, unless you say you are "expecting" and mean you're pregnant. That's different. However, we EXPECTED my friend C. to have a baby boy... and guess what? No penis. It's a girl!!!

For many people I know, the last few weeks our expectations have led to nothing but trouble...

Mostly it's been in relationships.... and if Miss Cleo were still around she could predict "you and your significant other will break up this month" and she'd be fairly accurate. A lot of my friends either went through break ups or the beginnings of a break up... in relationships they EXPECTED to last. We tend to believe that the intent of most relationships (romantic, professional, friendships, etc...) is that it will work out - unless it's for money.... Kim Kardashian.

If you are familiar with my blog you'll know how much I love the show Big Brother- and what does Julie Chen always say?? "Expect the unexpected." Julie's chunky jewelry and robotic movements drive me nuts- but she makes a good point.

You just never know... and your great expectations will make you crazy... if you let them.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Porch Moments

Many of you may know that I just went through a break up. I'm not spiteful and I have no reason to say unkind things about him or what happened.  He's a great guy and we had a good run. I will say that the break up to me was a bit unexpected which will be much more understandable further along in the blog. We were at my house... and after we had the "talk" he asked to use the restroom and I said sure, and I walked into the kitchen and turned around to see him just looking at me. I think neither of us really expected this to happen and I just remember standing there and asked "WHAT?"

So my friend and I have this thing called Porch Moments... and today I was chatting with her and she was telling me that my standing in the kitchen post break up made her laugh... like her porch moment.

She had been in town visiting this guy whom she was truly in love with. She did all of this stuff for him for Christmas, knowing that at the end of the week she would have to tell him that the relationship was over and she needed to just say good bye. I knew this was going to happen so I planned to pick her up about 3pm from his house. But at 1:30 I get this call and she's says "come now" so I go pick her up and she  is just sitting on his porch.... wearing her coat... with her suitcase next to her. They had just broken up and she couldn't deal with being in the same room with him.... so she sat in the cold. It was so sad and awful but I just started laughing.... the look on her face was priceless. She was so miserable and she was just sitting on the porch... alone.... with her suitcase... 

So she told me she has this image in her head of me in the kitchen standing there while my ex silently looked at me... and I had my little nightgown on and saying "What?" She said that was my porch moment... and so I googled what I was wearing so she could really get the impact....

It does make me laugh thinking of me standing there just wearing that...I was so angry and confused and ... wearing a baby doll nightie.

We've all got our porch moments. In fact, Dtaylo says she's had a few...  Sometimes life sucks- but we move on- and eventually we laugh about it.