Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I’m a smart girl. I have a Masters Degree in International and Intercultural Communication (sounds fancy right?) I read smart books. I watch smart movies. ( I do however watch tragically DUMB tv) but I can’t stand NPR. I don’t like their mellow voices. That is all there is to it.
Worse than not liking NPR is being judged for not liking NPR.
You don’t listen to NPR?
I don’ t like it. I’ve tried. I just don’t like it.
Oh. Not even This American Life?
One of my biggest, craziest fears is that I will die without reading all the books I want to read. Therefore, I listen to books in the car. And sometimes I listen to one of my girlfriends who is on a morning radio show. And sometimes I have dance parties. And sometimes I sing really loudly to the Glee soundtracks. With hand motions.
My friend’s little boy doesn’t like chocolate… people are like what! You don’t like chocolate?
So to him and to everyone else out there who is left handed, or has never seen a Star Wars movie, or still has a Myspace… it’s ok to not like NPR. It’s ok to not like chocolate. It's ok to be different.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
I remember being a kid and a teenager and hearing the boys on the bus or in gym class making fun of me for a whole host of reasons and thankfully I got over that. I may not ever like them, but I’ll be their facebook friend… because at this point? Who cares? And I also know that I was probably a bully too. I know that if I felt uncomfortable or wanted to fit in… the go to reaction is to make fun… and recognizing that I acted that way has made me a better person.
Last night some friends and I were at a wine bar and we were telling stories and laughing and probably being loud and my friend B. says about the couple across from us (a man and a woman) “I think they are talking about us.” So I look over and the guy at the table says DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM? Taken aback, I say …no… First of all.. who says that? second of all... I didn't have a problem.
Then the two proceed to make fun of me… well, my hair… calling it a bad perm. Ok- there are MILLIONS of things to make fun of about me… but my hair? Really? Ok. So this goes on and on and they are being obvious about what they are saying and doing (which is drawing a picture of my “bad perm”)… and it was completely obvious that they had nothing else to talk about except our table… and the lovely Amelia Earhart from Channel 9 news… sitting next to us. Who seemed to be on a first date or something? Anyway.. she’s really tall.
As this went on I thought… make fun of me all you want… I’m probably way better at it than you.. so my friends and I start laughing about all the real reasons they should make fun of us… because let’s face it… we are all our own biggest bullies.
So I need to use the restroom and I decide it’s time to confront them…
I went over to their table and squatted down and said, "Listen if you want to make fun of me letme give you some real reasons because my hair is naturally curly." then I was like here are some actual reasons you should make fun of me and listed a few things about myself… and then I said, “I'm sorry that you and your friend are having such a bad time that the only thing that entertains you is making fun of other people." And then I got up and went to the bathroom...
My friends had no idea what I had said to them. I go to the bathroom and in my mind a fist fight must have broken out… they must be screaming back and forth with my friends… but then I get back and the couple is paying their check and left without a word.
It just goes to show that remaining calm and speaking with intelligence is bully kryptonite.
And don’t mess with a girl with naturally curly hair. We’re feisty.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
So now that it’s all said and done what do I think? Well, from mile 22 through mile 25.5 I thought this is the dumbest thing I have ever done in my life. But my mom says it’s just like having a baby- you forget the pain. AND a little part of me really wants to try it again…
Before I forget- here are a few minor details about the race as a whole:
1. The Denver police were AMAZING! They did a great job of controlling traffic and were so encouraging… every time we passed they would say looking strong or way to go… love it.
2. The Rock n Roll portion of the race was not so rock n roll. If the bands weren’t on breaks.. they were playing like slow jamz.
3. The cheerleaders along the way were the best! There were Denver Metro high school cheerleaders along the course and they were so enthusiastic and it really helped.
4. Also the text messaging alerts that told my friends and family where I was along with the fact that friends could watch the finish line online was really cool.
Here’s a rundown of the day:
4:30 I get up and get ready. Everyone knows I am quite a planner so I had everything laid out and ready to go. We take pictures like it’s the first day of Kindergarten, Kristal arrives to drive my parents around town.
5:30 I hear my mom open up the champagne in the back seat. I get jealous. No mimosa for me.
5:55 Kristal reads me a list of funny quotes from Modern Family to make me laugh.
From 6- 7:21 it’s basically waiting for the port a potty, finding our corral and standing… and by 7:21 we finally cross the starting line.
Things are going great- we are laughing- running a good pace- feeling strong—singing Fresh Prince of Bel Air. .. and then we get to City Park.
Right in front of me I notice my office mate, Linda. Linda is probably the greatest inspiration for me when it comes to running and in so many ways she is my Colorado Mom. She is running the half… So I run next to her for a bit and say, “I’ll text you when I finish” and she says, “I signed up for the automatic texts so I’ll know when you finish.” Me= waterworks. I was so touched. So I run ahead and Kara asks, “Are you crying?” and I said “Um, no.” Liar.
So City park isn’t too bad. I see friends, we see some pretty great signs, most people are in great moods, lots of cheering… then we hit Cheeseman and I see my friends and family… super exciting… and still feeling good and strong about mile 11 and then we have to separate. Vivian and Nathalie have to go one way for the Half Marathoners and Nicole, Kara, and I go the other way. In my mind I thought- they only have two miles to go… and I have 15. Ouch.
Once we turn that corner it suddenly became silent. The street opened up and rather than seeing hundreds of people line the streets we saw just a few. Granted- the people who were out were amazing- handing out everything from water to donuts, to Twizzlers to beer. Denver people know what’s up. Also one house kept playing Don’t Stop Believing…
We also totally pick up our pace at that point… probably because there was really no one else around and we didn’t have any crazy hills to contend with…. But Cry #2 came right around mile 13 when I overheard some dude say “We’re running a marathon!” and I was like HOLY Toledo! This is real. AND really far from being over…
So I’m having fun and feeling great until we stop at the port a potties at mile 15 and I get a look at myself in the mirror and think uh oh… I don’t look so hot… and by that I looked super hot. Red face… frazzled… and my fuel belt was starting to hurt me… I trained with it so I felt like I should run with it. Note: Not doing that again.
Miles 15-20 were in Washington Park… and as a general rule I don’t LOVE running there. I love the park- but all the loops make me crazy. And this was even worse because now there were even more loops… At this point Nicole’s dad joined us and ran along for a bit and that was cry #3.
Side note- the first thing in the morning Jill sent me a text that says, “You’ve got this” and that is what I told myself the entire time… “you’ve got this, you’ve got this, you’ve got this.”
At mile 19 I saw Joan from work and that made me feel better and then I handed off my belt to Nicole’s parents- assuming at that point I would now be able to run like the wind. Wrong.
Around mile 20 I had to walk for the first time… it wasn’t necessarily that I hit the “wall” but I was having a hard time breathing. So for the rest of the race I ran/walked until about mile 25. I was never in any pain physically I was just SO tired and could not catch my breath.
At mile 21 I see all my friends and family and realize for the first time … Oh.. they have TEAM KACEE shirts on… surprisingly I didn’t cry then… but probably b/c I needed all the fluids I could get.
We’re finally out of Wash park and things are going ok with the walk/run until at mile 23 I realize we have to basically run up and back down a bridge. But the worst part is that there is NO place for anyone to stand along the sidelines and cheer.
This is also when I began to see other people struggling… a lot of other people were walking at this point too. I had to keep my eye on Nicole and Kara ahead and I would let them get just so far ahead of me then I would run and catch up and do it again. I’d even told them at one point if they needed to leave me I would be fine.
At mile 25 I realize we are almost there and I really expected this surge of adrenaline to kick in and I’d run so fast and just finish. NOPE.
It was tough, it was mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. When it was over I just walked around with my medal in a total daze… I didn’t know what to do or think or feel.. Meghan took a great pic of me just sitting there with a smile on my face, but my eyes are totally glazed over… I had no words.
And in the winner’s photo on the marathon website Ronald McDonald is standing there clapping… um first of all huh? And Second of all… where was he when I finished?
It was truly the best feeling in the world to know that I had so many people supporting me along the way. I mean people were wearing shirts with my name on it? WHAT? How unbelievable is that?
So what now? I just spent the last 8 months mentally preparing, and the last 4 months physically preparing… so now what do I do?
Again- a huge thank you to everyone. It meant so much knowing that I had so many people on my side. Not just during the race- but all those months of training. Yesterday I was finally able to catch up with all the texts and facebook messages and I was completely overwhelmed with all the love.
So to answer Landon’s question- yeah I guess I did win.
Way to go Jogging Babes... much love to you all!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I love getting up super early on a Saturday and running for three hours. I love going for coffee after and laughing about whatever ridiculous thing happened during the run… like the Santa Claus walking down 13th, or the number of times Kara fell, or the fact that we sang the entire theme song to Fresh Prince of Bel Air out of nowhere and we all remembered all the words. I’m thankful to the Joggin Babes who kept me going… ps – we didn’t name ourselves the joggin babes… some kind stranger once yelled out “Hey, it’s the Joggin Babes!” and though creepy - at that point we needed that support-so the name stuck.
That being said… I hope I continue to run after this marathon… who knows what will happen and if I’ll continue with full marathons… or if I’ll stick to halves. I am SO happy I did it… BUT I am ready to have my life back.
I’m ready for my pants to fit again. I didn’t realize my thighs would get so huge. I thought they’d get small and cute… wrong.
I’m ready to say Yes, I can attend that function…
I’m ready to go to the gym and do something other than run.
I’m ready to STOP eating bananas.
I’m ready to stop worrying if my toenails will turn black or fall off (neither happened).
I’m ready to start drinking mimosas at 9 am on a Wildcat Saturday.
I’m ready to not spend a weekend lying under bags of frozen vegetables. From my experience- Brussels sprouts work best.
I’m also ready to finish this as a thank you to all my friends and family who have stood by me and supported me the entire way. More than anything I’ve learned that I am one lucky girl. I can’t believe how many amazing people I have in my life.
I’m ready to cross the finish line....
and then drink a really big, ice cold beer.
Monday, September 13, 2010
1.Last night on Big Brother After Dark, Lane used Just for Men on his beard. It stung a little and Hayden thought he should have left it on a little longer so it would be darker, however, Enzo thinks it’s dark enough.
2.I watched the entire second season of Everest: Beyond the Limit and ANOTHER documentary on Mt. Everest. It’s like I’m stalking the mountain. Last night I was recognizing landmarks without the help of the narrator. Seriously… this has gotten out of hand.
This last weekend marked my longest run to date. I woke up at 5:30 on Saturday… drank my coffee.. watched Big Brother and ate my Power Bar. I met my friends at 7 and thought.. ok last week for 16 miles I drank only Gatorade during the run and I felt great. I’ll do that this time- but because I’ve lost a bottle on my fuel belt (which would normally just hold water) I’ll bring an extra Gatorade with me. And not just regular Gatorade… “NATURAL” Gatorade—bought on a whim at Whole Foods. Spoiler Alert… this was not a good whim.
So we’re off. I drink all the Gatorades and I’m feeling ok until we climb a huge hill at about mile 16… we’ve had to stop because of traffic a few times and I really am not sure my legs can take it… but even worse- I realize that my stomach can’t take it… in fact it’s pissed about this Natural Gatorade and wants to make sure I know it. I’m already sensitive to sugar … and the “natural” gatorade was sitting like a rock in my stomach and I feared the worst… I’ve seen the pictures.. I know what can happen.
I tell the girls to go on ahead when we reach mile 17… I’m going to have to walk. I couldn’t believe it. I’d made it 17 miles and I was going to WALK the last mile? I jog/walked the rest of the way… and as my stomach began to feel better, my ego felt worse.
On my drive home I called my mom nearly in tears. I felt like a failure. I didn't make it... and I should have. However, two of my friends ran 12.5 miles on Saturday rather than the 13 they’d planned. Was I disappointed in them? No… I was happy for them and excited… so why would I be so hard on myself?
I went home and paced around the house… I couldn't relax and I couldn't even get into my post race routine … I just couldn't get it out of my head that I didn’t “RUN” 18 miles… I couldn’t see that what I had accomplished was a pretty big deal.
Yesterday I was telling my massage therapist about it and she says, “Kacee, you are stupid.” That made me laugh 1. Because she is Ukrainian and her voice always sounds like she’s scolding me and 2. I realized she was completely right. One way or another I accomplished my 18 mile training run… and it’s called “training” for a reason. So for the next five weeks I’m not only training my body, I’m training my mind and trying to realize that sometimes everyone has to walk.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
• Big Brother After Dark
• Mt. Everest documentaries, television shows, books, google searches, etc.
The Big Brother After Dark obsession would never have developed if I could fall asleep at night. Last night I lay on the couch watching Hayden and Lane cut Enzo’s hair. This took an hour. And I watched ALL OF IT. It’s ridiculously pathetic. I dvr After Dark every single day and watch the majority of it while recovering after a long run on the weekend when I don’t want to think. I just want to watch people do mundane things around the house. OR more accurately I want to fall asleep to people doing mundane things around the house. .. never happens. I get wrapped up in the absurdity of it all. Will they play pool after dinner? Will they work out? Will Lane trim his beard tonight?? SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS!
About a year ago I read Into Thin Air, which for a time created an obsession with any adventure based books– note these are not CHOOSE your own adventure books- recently this obsession has returned. Maybe it's because I'm pushing myself.. and watching others do the same helps? Maybe not.
The last two weekends I’ve watched nothing but documentaries about climbing Mt. Everest (well documentaries and Big Brother). Don't worry- I am not planning a trip to Kathmandu any time soon. Remember when the Real World took vacations to places that didn’t have hot tubs? And Real World Seattle went to Nepal and David says they were going to “Legit Nepal?” Their experience is just about as close to climbing Everest as I will get.
Besides the treacherous terrain, the intense mental and physical strength required, etc, etc… climbing Mt. Everest takes a lot of cash and let’s face it- I have expensive taste in handbags. AND if you know anything about climbing Mt. Everest you know that involves months of camping. CAMPING. This chick doesn’t camp… And these documentaries have yet to show me how one uses the restroom in this situation.
So as I lie awake last night I was thinking about these obsessions and how they relate to my insomnia and ultimately my running… I thought maybe if I write them down… It will all make sense… and yet..
It doesn’t. I think more than anything I realize that I ramble when exhausted and that I’ve just exposed exactly how much tv I watch…
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I just finished a book called What I Talk about When I Talk about Running. For those of you who know amazing literature you will notice that this is based on What We Talk about When We Talk about Love by Raymond Carver. Anyway… the book really touched me and inspired me to write about my own running experience.
Marathon training has turned me into a sap.
I tear up over everything.
Looking at pictures of a guy running the Leadville 100? Cry.
Reading about the Endurance 50? Cry.
Seeing Jeff Lewis hold a baby on Flipping Out? Cry.
For reals. I don’t know what happened to me… the last two months my life have basically been nothing but running. I read about running, I talk about running, I run, and then I rest so I can run again. Then everything that has to do with running makes me really emotional. I don’t know if it’s about the strength of the human spirit and the training and everything that goes into the running that gets me? For example on a 10 mile run the other day we were behind a blind runner. He was tethered to a runner in front of him and wore a shirt that said “blind runner” and this guy was blowing our pace out of the water and he had no clue where he was going. He was running just because he loves running. WHAT? Tears….
And all this emotion has crossed over into everything. …
I get my feelings hurt more easily.
I laugh more. Mostly at myself.
I’ve become very sentimental.
I’m realizing the friends and relationships that really matter in my life… and also the ones that don’t.
I also realize that I am capable of much more than I imagined. And a lot of the second rate bullshit that I have put up with for way too long is ridiculous.
I didn’t expect this. I thought I would just run and it would be a good time and it would probably hurt (and it does) and in the end I’d get a nice medal and check another goal off the list. But now I realize that I don’t want to stop because marathon training Kacee ( and the eventual marathon completing Kacee) is a lot stronger than the old Kacee. And I like her.
Monday, August 2, 2010
So… Friday morning I get up at 5 am and drive to the airport for my 8 am flight to St. Louis. Jaime’s wedding was that night at 5pm but I wanted to get to St. Louis in time to go to Chuck E. Cheese with Lindsey and the kids. My mom was driving from Springfield that day so she could be at the airport with the Reuss’ to pick me up.
Well, I get to the airport and discover that my flight had been cancelled. They said that I would arrive in St. Louis at 5:45 that night unless I was able to get on the stand by flight that left at 10:45 am. I'm basically crying now because I don't want to miss the wedding and I had no idea what to do... At the last minute I decide to throw my dress and shoes for the wedding in my carry on bag.. I then take my time and get to the gate to put my name in for standby… and at that time they were boarding a flight for Kansas City.
(I reenacted this scene with Lindsey’s kids as the United employees which is much better than my description of it here.)
Me: Can I get on the stand by list.
United Dude: Sure. Got you on the list. Thanks.
Me: Wait, is this flight going to Kansas City now?
United Dude: It is.
Me: Can I get on it?
Unitded Dude: Yes… but I can’t get you to St. Louis.
Me: No problem.
I then proceed to call Lindsey and tell her I’m flying to KC. I’ll get a rental car there and just drive the four hours to her house and should make it there by 4pm. Total Amazing Race style. Lindsey, my mom and Lindsey’s kids went to Target to get me what I would need – pajamas, clothes for Saturday, etc.
So I drive to STL in my HHR (which is basically a boxier version of a PT Cruiser and obviously super cool)… I get there by 4…. Stupid weather or I would’ve made it earlier. But I made it. However, we didn’t have time to make it to the wedding- only the reception.
Now, Mike’s car only has air conditioning if you put it on full blast. So we are freezing… and then all of a sudden the air goes out. It’s raining like crazy outside and the car is totally fogging up. AND we are late for the reception.
All of a sudden I say, “My dress feels weird.” I look down and the zipper had totally split. Mind you, it wasn’t that the dress was too small.. but putting it on we’d had trouble with the zipper… and now it was off track and there was NO way to get it to stay on.
Lindsey says, “There’s a Macy’s just a few blocks away!” Oddly enough, that day Mike had won an “Ugliest Shirt” Contest at work and it was still in the backseat.
So Mike drives up on the curb, I throw the ugly shirt on and we run inside. Macy’s closed in 20 minutes.
My dress was black and white and my shoes were red so my options for the dress were limited. Lindsey gets all the employees to help and we run all over Macy’s and finally find a cute little black one that I actually really like… I run out and yell “GOT IT!” And Lindsey begins yelling to all the employees “WE’RE GOOD! WE’RE GOOD!”
We buy the dress (well, my mom does- I didn’t have any money with me) They take the tags off at the counter and we make it to the reception. As Lindsey said after, “For awhile that was a very dark moment.”
All in all it was probably one of my most memorable trips to St. Louis. I’m so so lucky to have such an amazing mom (who now loves White Castle) and best friend (who makes me stiff drinks the minute I get to her house).
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
That being said, I have attended over ten weddings this summer. And every time I leave a wedding, I think man I hope _____ doesn’t happen at my first wedding. ;)
One of my friends suggested I write down some of the highlights so far… here are my thoughts…and you are welcome… future wedding having people.
1. DO NOT play the following songs: “Single Ladies” during the bouquet toss. EVERY single wedding they do this. Every one. “Who Let the Dogs Out” (yeah it still exists) during the garter toss. Also the Macarena and Electric slide should no longer be in the rotation of your dj. If it is- you hired a dj from 1996.
2. DO NOT walk down the aisle or come in to the reception to “Tonight’s gonna be a good night” (Everyone does it) OR the Chris Brown song popular from both the You Tube video from LAST YEAR and the Office season finale. Again. FROM LAST YEAR. I have seen two weddings do this over the summer. And both times it fell flat. Everyone’s seen it and now they just feel sorry for you.
3. Fondant tastes gross.
4. Don’t have your wedding anywhere near small bodies of water if you plan to invite children. I attended a wedding in Platteville this weekend and guess what? All the kids kept catching FROGS! Anyone who knows me, knows that I am afraid of Frogs more than anything in life. I was terrified. Also it invites mosquitos. This weekend I was bitten on the eyebrow and drove home with a huge welt on my eye so that I vaguely resembled Sloth from the Goonies.
5. If there is an open bar I promise you are always ten times more drunk than you think you are and the following pick up lines do not work, “ssooyouliveinDenver?” or “Will you help me zip up my pants?”
6. The mother of the bride (or groom) should not be wearing a dress that is sold at Forever 21 with the prom dresses.
7. Don't have the wedding at a location where guests have to do their own dishes. Yup. That happened.
As the summer goes on I’m sure more will come to mind. And as a guest of a wedding next weekend (Congrats Jaime and Jarod!) I will be very excited to be on the receiving end of the fun….
Monday, June 28, 2010
So… I get home that night… no internets… the following day another technician comes out… he was quiet but took a few moments to stop and watch tv… but he was fine and left. Next thing you know- no internet.
Yesterday a third tecnhician comes out and I open the door and think oh, he’s pretty cute. So he starts working and we start to chit chat and suddenly I realize we are flirting… this goes on for a bit and then he asks me for a piece of paper and gives me his number… in case I have problems with my service. So I immediately call Jill and tell her the story and then I get a phone call.. “IT’S HIM!” I yell and transfer over… he wanted to know if I wanted three months of free HBO or Showtime or a $20 credit for all the bad luck I’ve had. I took the credit… I already have those channels.
So my next step is to obviously look for him on facebook. It’s been a long time since I met someone cute and funny and easy to talk to and is not named Rob.
Well, tonight I am starting to teach a public speaking course and before I can teach I have to take this test about learning and the brain (dumb). So the test is online and I’m halfway through it AND…… no internet. So I call the technician, we’ll call him Joe, and he says ok I’ll be over in ten minutes.
So we flirt a bit more… and we talk about the test and the class I’m teaching and he says.. well, let me help you with the test… super cute, right? So I log on and it won’t let me get back into the test… so Joe being the expert he is says, “Let me try to trick it.” Well, this means pulling up ALL THE PAGES I’ve visited… including the facebook search for him.
So he says “You weren’t taking your test! You were on facebook!”
Needless to say, Joe has not called me back. So word to the wise.. do not facebook stalk unless your internet is up and running and no one can check your searches.
Oh- and by the way- the internet went down again about twenty minutes later….
Monday, June 7, 2010
First of all, I love Parks and Rec. In my opinion it is 10,000 times funnier than The Office… and if you started watching it about a year ago and stopped… start again. The first season wasn’t that great- but it’s better now. If nothing else watch simply for Aziz Ansari as Tom Haverford. Last night his “Swagga Coach” bit was great. AND his reenactment of Precious. Loved it.
BUT why on Earth was Tom Cruise on there doing his Les Whoever character from Tropic Thunder? That movie came out like three years ago. I had totally forgotten who he was… I don’t get it. Go back to saying weird stuff, Tom Cruise.And if you are going to revive a character what about Maverick? I’d like to see what happened to that guy. I’d like to see him dance with J.Lo.
My other issue was with all the F bombs. I’ll admit every so often I’m totally fine with using curse words and in fact I applaud it with friends and family. HOWEVER, when every other word is F*ck… you begin to sound childish. I know that commonly this word is used to get a reaction… however why not write great skits or banter to do the same thing? A perfectly timed curse word is a gift… let’s not turn it into mainstream language so it loses it’s gratification for the speaker.
I'd really like to break up with MTV... but I'm not ready. I still need to see the new season of Jersey Shore- although it will guaranteed disappoint me- and I love True Life because documentary shows make me feel better about myself. So until Bravo gets just a touch more trashy... I'll still want my MTV.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
This is an excerpt from a chat to Vivian regarding the dream I had about her.... I'm too lazy to recreate it.
"So for some reason I decided for Rick's bday I was getting him coffee and peanut butter. So I went to the store to get it for him and they didn't have what I needed. So you picked me up and we went back to your house. BUT on the way we stopped at this salon and guess who was getting her hair did? Miley Cyrus. So we were like wha??? so all the way to your house we sang Party in the USA. So we get to your house and hang out... and then Tony gets home and I'm like ok.. bye everyone. So I go to leave... and there are all these parking levels.. and i can't remember where my car is. so not only is your apartment complex apartments- it's also a dorm. So i get lost and this cute college boy escorts me to my car. I really want him to kiss me- but it doesn't happen. Well- turns out it ISN'T my car! And then the rest of the dream I kind of forget... I just couldn't find my car and I was too embarrassed to call you and tell you."
Monday, April 26, 2010
Yesterday I was taking the garbage out and there in the driveway I saw it… a big black bird resembling my arch enemy.. the Magpie.
Now, I don’t know if Magpies are in Colorado but whether this bird was real or imagined- but for me it signals danger.
Many of you may not know this but nearly 10 years ago, (man, I am old!) I lived in Brisbane, Australia. My neighborhood was beautiful and lush and fragrant. Nearly every day I took a walk… it was gorgeous. But one day out of nowhere something pricked the top of my head. It was so fast I almost thought I made it up… but hours later I realized my hair had a big dried blood spot. Hmmm… compelling.
Two days later I made the same trek around the neighborhood and it happened AGAIN. But this time I saw the assailant fly away. It was big and black and larger than life. It came swooping down and attacked the top of my head again. BAHHHHH!!!! I screamed…. Once again… I had a bloody head… and not in the English sense like if I had a headache. No- real blood… coagulated.
So I go home and ask Suzi, the nice lady I lived with, what the heck? And she tells me “You probably got too close to the nest.” Fine. Too close. So I will go another way.
Days go by and it happens AGAIN! In a totally different place! Now the thing about being attacked by a magpie that is different from being attacked by another creature… your panther, your ferret… is that you don’t see them coming. They have an advantage and that is that they live in trees.
So once again I get poked in the head. And if you have never been attacked by a bird let me tell you it HURTS. So I do some investigating and turns out that there are two possible reasons I keep getting attacked. 1. I have super blonde hair that the magpies don’t like and think they need to attack or 2. I am from the United States.
I start wearing hats… and guess what? STILL ATTACKED! Birds must know I hate them… and will retaliate against me at any moment. Finally I moved back to the U.S. where birds know their place.
I think it’s all things about birds that I hate. I hated the movie “The Birds.” I hated the way in the Heidi Fleiss documentary she went crazy on meth and only had birds as friends. (Side note- if you haven’t seen this – you have to. It’s so crazy.) AND I hate the way that once on a trip to China with several New Zealanders they made me say the word “bird” over and over… “Listen to her say it! HAHAHA… She pronounces buhd as BIRRRRD… hahahaha.
Yesterday, the magpie in the driveway did give me the side eye and this time I gave him the side eye right back…. So dear friends.. in the event I ever get married… so help me if one person throws bird seed as I exit the chapel… you will NOT be enjoying the cheese buffet at my wedding.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
When I am in the car… I am driving. I have never thought to photograph myself. HOWEVER- that being said… If I am traveling with a cat as I am wont to do… I do take a picture of the cat. Doing something funny… Like pretending to sing.
Maybe I never think I look that good while I’m driving… I don’t know. The thought has never occurred to me- but it seems to be pretty popular… so I’m just asking… I say-- keep it up - but ONLY if you are at a complete stop... otherwise Oprah will have you sign a pledge about it.
On the outside it will say…
“I know something you don’t know”
And you would open it up… and the inside could say things like…
Everyone hates it when you tell that story
That’s a really terrible idea
You are probably getting fired
We all know you were the one who left that stain
It doesn’t look as good as we said it did
Your facebook postings are getting old (clearly…. that one I could send to myself!)
Friday, April 9, 2010
So it’s time for a funny story. I had almost forgotten about this but something reminded me yesterday…
A few years ago I used to get my bikini line lasered. As a general rule, I hate body hair. And if I can permanently remove it… I will. So..
If you have never done this—it’s not as fun as it sounds. The laser is like a million little hot rubber bands beating the crap out of your bikini area. And THEN… it scabs! Incredibly alluring.. just ask the guy I was dating at the time.
You basically go in- strip off your pants and undies and sit there while someone’s face and hands holding a LASER are right next to your most personal area… you have to have a good sense of humor and be fairly comfortable with yourself to do this. Oh- and you are wearing space age goggles.
Anyway- I used to schedule all my appointments with one nurse specifically because she would always have these crazy stories about putting her dog in dog shows. She had a Lhasa Apso named Moonshadow… and she would show me pictures and tell me all about the training, and the shows, and the grooming—all while lasering my bikini line… OH- and she used to call individual hairs “little guys” which made me laugh. As in, “This little guy just won’t burn off”
SO.. the point of this story is that one day… MOONSHADOW WAS IN THE OFFICE! So I am all excited to hang out with Moonshadow—maybe watch her do a trick while my nether regions are on fire… But the nurse goes one better….
After I undress and put my goggles on, the nurse ( I wish I remembered her name) decides that I should HOLD MOONSHADOW IN MY LAP! So she picks him up and puts him on top of me.
So there I am… no clothes on my bottom half, goggles, and a Lhasa Apso in my lap. So I kind of was like.. hey doggie… and just gave him a little pat.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I do know that I made a comment a few weeks ago about health care and I posted about it on my blog. I was defriended by that I am sure. But let’s be honest… I don’t agree with the many of the views of friends on facebook.
But I don’t always agree with everyone I know in REAL LIFE—no one does. If we were all the same life would be incredibly boring and sad.
Maybe you don’t agree with how I conduct my life? That’s fine. “Hide” me—I don’t care. In fact I don’t really care that I got defriended- it’s more funny than anything else.
But just remember I sat in the same room with you and played “I never” and I didn’t judge.
And... if you are curious- I'm not going to say who it was.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Matchmaking stinks. Let’s face it the matchmaker always turns out to be in the middle. You may think you know two people who are PERFECT for each other- and maybe they just don’t click. Or maybe one guy turns out to be a douche and never calls the girl back… this recently happened to me. I felt terrible. I’m not that close with the guy.. so when he didn’t call my friend back after two dates I couldn’t figure it out. I just felt like it was somehow my fault that I had a dirtbag friend.
The best thing about being set up these days is that you can check out the facebook profile prior to meeting. For example: Rob 1 had a really weird profile picture when I first met him… he looked cute in his other pictures… but this was of him pretending to have bowling ball boobs. Rob 1 was clearly 15 and probably just looking for a ride to the mall.
Rob 2 looked very handsome in his profile. BUT his about me was so cheesy. He talked about how romantic he was and how he was just a good Colorado guy looking for a good girl. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I love facebook, but it’s intended for fun.. not to meet your soulmate. That was what Friendster was for.
Rob 3 on the other hand had a picture of himself IN A HOT TUB… with a doo rag and a beer!
This is an unacceptable profile picture unless your name starts with Bret and ends with Michaels. (PS- who is watching him on Celebrity Apprentice? Poor guy- he’s really dorky, huh?)
I guess I don’t have a great way to wrap this up—except always trust your gut. When your friend wants to set you up and you know from the start you aren’t feeling it… it’s best to let it go.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
A few weeks ago she told me about this guy and she said, “he’s so nice and he reminds me of well… George Costanza”
Oh good… as if I didn’t have enough neurosis for one relationship—he could add even more. THEN she told me his name was Rob. Now- if you are reading this and your name is Rob and I haven’t dated you… then congratulations… you can keep reading… if you ARE a Rob I have dated… then skip ahead Choose Your Own Adventure style.
I will keep this brief and say I have bad luck with guys named Rob. NOT Bobs, however. LOVE Bobs… especially Bob Ross… but that story will come on another day.
SO my coworker comes in… lets me know he is here and she’ll bring him down soon. I know she has the best of intentions—but it all came across very awkwardly---
Coworker: Kacee, this is Rob.
Kacee: Hi, nice to meet you.
Rob: Nice to meet you
Coworker: Well, you guys are both nice people so I thought you should meet…
Kacee: Well, this isn’t awkward.
Uncomfortable banter follows… I douche out and give him my BUSINESS CARD…. And then he gives me his… and that dear friends is the end of that. He seems very nice and DOES NOT look like George Costanza in any way. Perhaps the third Robs a charm.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Let’s be honest… I really only sneak back toward pop music if Britney has an album out.. And from what I can tell she’s back on the Cheetos and Starbucks… so it’s going to be awhile. Until then I will continue to be musically snobby and sit in my office and listen to my Sigur Ros and feel depressed.
But really? WHO is this guy? Why does he look so tiny? Is he a Jonas Brother? I DON’T KNOW. I get irritated when I don’t know who these people are… I feel like I used to be in the know.. when did I get so old?
Like when Twilight came out… it was all over the place… and I had to google it.. In fact I still don’t know what it is. It’s a romance about vampires? AND I still don’t get the thing with Robert Pattinson and his hair… and when the movie came out and everyone was like TEAM JACOB or whatever.. I had to google that too. I am still stuck on the TEAM ANISTON train! I am becoming a dinosaur. Eventually I will realize that my pop culture references to Balky in Perfect Strangers will no longer be looked at with humor… but with pity.
Last night I was just talking about the Real World and how I desperately want to break up with it.. but I can’t!! It’s too difficult.. life without the Real World means I am officially old. I want to not watch.. but turning away would mean that I am officially in the VH1 zone… and then I’ll never know who Justin Bieber is.
Monday, March 22, 2010
No one wants to hear me talk about that though. People want funny stories and right now I have very few. Although I was reminded this weekend about how when I was a kid I made a puffy paint sweatshirt of Homey the Clown. It had a picture of his face on it and said, “Homey don’t play that.”
Monday, March 8, 2010
That meant I had to write a blog. SO here it is… I know that opinions are like a$$holes- and everyone has one.. and I like to keep mine (both) to myself … but because Kristal asked for it…
First of all, Kristal and I have watched about 12 years of Academy Awards together- beginning my freshman year of high school at Mrs. Highley’s house. We were practicing for the PCL Lit. Contest (we won- obviously). I realized then that two things would never change for me 1. Cold hot dogs taste gross and 2. I love watching the Oscars with Kristal.
This year our “food theme” was Midwest Farmer’s Daughter. So we made lots of casseroles.. all a success, except for the wretched and distended look of my belly when I got home.
So the best part of the night was playing who aged better when it came to the stars of John Hughes movies. The winner was “Ducky” aka the guy from that show I don’t watch with on again/off again Rehab star Charlie Sheen on CBS. Judd Nelson looks like a homeless man. And what happened to Macauley Culkin’s nose?
Also- I always wonder why certain “stars” are presenters at the awards. I mean what was Queen Latifah doing there? Honestly. Didn’t she win for Chicago like 6 years ago or something? She is ALWAYS THERE! I don’t get it. Or Miley Cyrus and Amanda Seyfried. I know this may offend some people- but being in a Nicholas Sparks movie should not allow you to be a presenter at the Academy Awards. Again- just my opinion. I don’t like touchy feely movies- which is why I did not nor will ever see The Blind Side.
There were a lot of great moments… and for the most part those were punctuated with my trips to the kitchen for more casserole… but for me the biggest highlight was the quote “Hey Ferris, this yo day off?” from Matthew Broderick, who has been drinking the Rapid Aging Potion again.
Also the snuggies. Clever.
My favorite quote was from Kristal was in an email I received this morning and I have to agree with her to some degree… “The more time that passes, the more ripped off I feel about up in the air. And precious. They were robbed.”
So here are my thoughts on Precious. Man- if you haven’t seen it- you should. Then never watch it again. I love the commercials for the DVD that say “OWN IT TODAY!” No thanks… But it really bothered me that Oprah kept calling Gabourey Sidebe “Gabby”. Oprah- your best friend is Gail… not “Gabby” stop addressing her by a nickname to show the world how tight you are. We get it. Oh- and when Kathy Ireland was there (HUH?) talking to Gabourey? As Kristal said, She’s speaking to her as if she is deaf.
In closing- my other favorite quote from Kristal is… “too bad Sean Penn is such a d*ck. He’s such a humanitarian.”
Thursday, February 25, 2010
It’s true. My number one all time biggest crush has been Bob Costas for about 20 years. And as the Olympics come to a close I thought I would take the opportunity to explain why.
I remember being about 12 years old and sitting up late at night during the summer drinking Country Time Lemonade and sneaking my mom’s Slim Fast Bars (they don’t make them like they used to- and not that she needed them- she’s tiny) and watching Bob on the Olympics. I WAS MESMERIZED. The fact that we lived in the sticks and had no cable could attribute to this… as I had no other means of late night entertainment aside from Ron Reagan’s short lived talk show.
Anyway- people always say to me, Bob? Really? But… his hair? Just like Randy Travis said, “I ain’t in love with your hair.. and if it all fell out- I’d love you anyway”
I’ve compiled my love for Bob into a few short bullet points:
• He’s funny.
• He’s charismatic.
• He has a vast knowledge of sports.
• He has a vast knowledge of other stuff.
• He can talk to anyone. He was the original Ryan Secrest people!
And really I think that says it all. I will admit that once during a visit to St. Louis I thought I would try looking for his house… I don’t know if I found it or not. I will also admit to looking for Brad Pitt’s house in Springfield in 1996… “the Gwyneth years.”
So anyway- that’s it… but let’s be honest the head can’t explain what the heart wants.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Most of what I know about American Idol I have learned from The Soup and I’ll admit I am very far behind. Perhaps beginning now is similar to starting LOST in the middle of the last season.. I don’t know.
So below I have shared what I don’t get about American Idol.
•Simon’s hair. In high school we had a coach who had hair with that weird middle part.. and guess what? It wasn’t his real hair.
•The human interest piece of the show. Why are they showing me how awful and sad these contestants lives are… and then I listen to them sing and they are horrible! Why lure me in and then say sorry, you suck… because they do. And while we’re on the topic, I really don’t care for the warm fuzziness of it all… even if they do sing well. AND all these people seem to have horses. Or someone in the family with a disease. OR a wife in the hospital about to give birth. I would like to see something a little more out there- like adding a little Celebrity Rehab or Intervention to the mix. I want to see a huffer gone good by making it on American Idol. But a huffer wouldn't have much of a voice I suppose after all that huffing.. so maybe not a huffer. Maybe a crack head.
•Why is the American Idol logo superimposed on a picture of THE EARTH? Shouldn’t it be over a picture of the United States? AND if we are going to be completely correct here it should be titled U.S. American Idol. American Idol means they would also be having auditons in South America. See- that International/Intercultural M.A. wasn’t for nothin
•The word “Idol” is disconcerting. This makes me think of the “tiki idol” on the Brady’s doomed trip to Hawaii… remember? And how did that turn out? NOT WELL! I think it should be called “I want to be Famous” AND by the way growing up my “Idol” was Debbie Gibson and you know what she did? She wrote “Lost in Your Eyes” at 14!! Top THAT kid with a horse!
•I thought I got to vote people off?
I will say though that the guy who sang “Straight Up” was pretty awesome.
Friday, February 5, 2010
First of all, he called me the wrong name… but I have decided to give anyone a chance at this point.. so I went out with him. It started out ok.. we chatted about chocolate and cheese for awhile and everything seemed like it could be fine. BUT THEN he began talking about his work- he’s a therapist… and an hour later I got to talk.
And the conversation basically was him telling me that the choices I made were odd and atypical of a normal woman because:
1. I remain friends with guys I have dated. Apparently this “grossed him out” and he had a huge problem with it.
2. I am “cold hearted” because I feel like there is no use boo hooing over a relationship that didn’t work. I just told him it was a waste of time to sit around and be sad for something that clearly wasn’t meant to work and it’s easier to just move on and be happy. I spent way too much time in my 20s feeling sorry for myself because a boy broke my heart. But in the end, I realized it really was the best thing that could have happened. Does the Red Roof Inn wedding ring any bells? Seriously.
3. I only want one child- and “Normal” girls want at least three or four.
4. It’s weird I have gone out with guys younger than myself. Remember the 21 year old? Again he said he was “grossed out.” Um no… that was awesome. Sorry, dude.
5. He asked me if I would be happy if I remained single forever and I said “yes” because I have a great life, great friends, etc… and this is also weird because according to him you can’t have a family without a husband.
DONE. Check, please. On the double.
So at this point- I am thinking ok- clearly this isn’t a match.. I’ll just pay for my drinks and go. WRONG. He says, “So I’m hungry- let’s get some food.” He wanted to continue this? Stop it… so I said I was ready to hit the road… and he ASKS ME OUT AGAIN! And what did I do? I SAID YES! Even though this was the worst, most uncomfortable date I had ever had I still didn’t think I could hurt his feelings to his face and say no. So today I am going to compose a sweet little email that allows me to say it just isn’t going to work.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
As many of you know, I am trying to become more open minded about dating… that being said I want to try to give guys that I might have just blown off in the past a chance. SO last night I received an email from a suitor (let’s call him J.) He’s not so much my type (nice guy, good job, well educated) but I thought I’d chat with him for a bit and see what happened… however.. the email he sent last night began…
“ HI POLLY!”
I reread it.
I politely wrote back, “I think you sent this to the wrong person. My name is not Polly.”
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
In lieu of a dream- I decided to come up with the top ten reasons I would make a terrible contestant on the Bachelor. I hate to say that I have been sucked in this time- but I have. I love this Jake. And not b/c he is smooth and handsome and a pilot… (because to be honest I find him a little creepy- especially on that motorcycle?? HUH?)… but because he tells it like it is… if he doesn’t like a girl- BOOM – she gets sent packing. Just like the real world- only he just would never call her.
Anyway – the top ten reasons I would make a horrible Bachelor contestant.
10. Lack of cocktail attire. All of my dresses would come from Forever 21 or my sorority formals from 10 years ago.
9. Unlimited alcohol consumption = massive hangover = need for Totino’s Party
Pizza= embarrasment for my friends and family. This is something best done in the privacy of your own home.
7. I would be in a pop culture void. After college I lived in Australia and when I came back here everyone was so sick and tired of this song about letting the dogs out… well… guess what? I had never heard it. And I was shamed.
6. Aversion to dates that involve romance.
5. Curly hair does not translate well on camera. I have been told this before when I did a little thing for the Aurora, CO public access station.
4. I wouldn’t be able to update my facebook status. Torture.
3. I am too old. Let’s face facts.
2. I am allergic to public humiliation. And even if I did think this guy was a douchebag- if he didn’t give me a rose I would probably still cry.
1. My heart belongs to Bret Michaels.
Monday, January 25, 2010
So people ask… Kacee, why are you a vegetarian. Well, the answer is two fold. 1. Meat and I don’t get along in the digestive sense and 2. I don’t like chewing. So it was a natural conclusion that I would give it up. And now I have more room for cheese.
I won’t use this blog as a place to be mean to people or to be passive aggressive about my relationships or to complain about things that are sucky. I like my life, and lots of time things don’t go my way… but the old saying about how life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it is totally true. I don’t take a lot of time to feel sorry for myself… I’d rather laugh about it. AND lucky for all of you- you get to laugh along.
I will also try not to talk about my pets too often to avoid any cat person labels. I don’t have children, or a husband- which contrary to the belief of the people my mom runs into at Walmart… it’s ok. My mom actually told me that about five years ago (when I was just 26, mind you) a lady I know came up to her and asked if I was married. When my mom told her no, she was like “Oh… that’s too bad.”
And for those of you who were wondering- yes, yesterday I really did get trapped inside the Arapahoe County library. The doors shut and wouldn’t open and who made this discovery and subsequently started panicking? Me. I jumped back in forth in front of it for about two minutes... then I had to rush back inside and get someone’s attention until I could be freed. Also there was a very nice Ethiopian gentleman laughing at me the entire time. THEN I did go to TJ Maxx looking for handweights and came home with a ThighMaster instead. So far so good.
Lots of weird stuff happens to me and for the most part I love it... because it makes everyone laugh. And I have a pretty good sense of humor about myself.
Anyway- I couldn't come up with a super sexy title for my blog... but let's be honest I really do miss bacon. I've been vegetarian for almost 9 years now and bacon is the one thing I think about a lot. I'm happy to change the name of the blog- but if you really want to know something about me- it is that I really miss bacon.