Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Top 10 Reasons I should never go on the Bachelor

So last night I dreamt something kinda bad- so I don’t want to write about it… but I will say that one part included our bathrooms at work… and someone here was selling cupcake scented and shaped candles…. In the bathroom. That was kinda fun.
In lieu of a dream- I decided to come up with the top ten reasons I would make a terrible contestant on the Bachelor. I hate to say that I have been sucked in this time- but I have. I love this Jake. And not b/c he is smooth and handsome and a pilot… (because to be honest I find him a little creepy- especially on that motorcycle?? HUH?)… but because he tells it like it is… if he doesn’t like a girl- BOOM – she gets sent packing. Just like the real world- only he just would never call her.

Anyway – the top ten reasons I would make a horrible Bachelor contestant.

10. Lack of cocktail attire. All of my dresses would come from Forever 21 or my sorority formals from 10 years ago.

9. Unlimited alcohol consumption = massive hangover = need for Totino’s Party
Pizza= embarrasment for my friends and family. This is something best done in the privacy of your own home.
8. Cuddling.

7. I would be in a pop culture void. After college I lived in Australia and when I came back here everyone was so sick and tired of this song about letting the dogs out… well… guess what? I had never heard it. And I was shamed.

6. Aversion to dates that involve romance.

5. Curly hair does not translate well on camera. I have been told this before when I did a little thing for the Aurora, CO public access station.

4. I wouldn’t be able to update my facebook status. Torture.

3. I am too old. Let’s face facts.

2. I am allergic to public humiliation. And even if I did think this guy was a douchebag- if he didn’t give me a rose I would probably still cry.

1. My heart belongs to Bret Michaels.


  1. are you going on rock of love bus anytime soon!? i would so start watching again if you were.

  2. Maybe Celebrity Apprentice would be a better fit? As a key grip or something? Then Bret Michaels would for sure notice you. And your lovely curly hair.

  3. oh, I know about the curly hair sistah! Thanks for the morning chuckle :)

  4. Key grip. Best boy. One of those.

  5. my reason would be that I would get incredibly drunk and tell all those stupid girls just how stupid they are. or maybe that's why they would want me on the show. p.s. I like how he didn't want all his roses yesterday. take that, bitches!