Uh... I'm not Polly.

Last night I was about to fall asleep (at about 9:33 p.m. a little late for me) and I thought… wow- I have nothing for the blog tomorrow. And then PING! EMAIL!
As many of you know, I am trying to become more open minded about dating… that being said I want to try to give guys that I might have just blown off in the past a chance. SO last night I received an email from a suitor (let’s call him J.) He’s not so much my type (nice guy, good job, well educated) but I thought I’d chat with him for a bit and see what happened… however.. the email he sent last night began…
“ HI POLLY!”

What?

I reread it.

What?

POLLY?

I politely wrote back, “I think you sent this to the wrong person. My name is not Polly.”

Top 10 Reasons I should never go on the Bachelor

So last night I dreamt something kinda bad- so I don’t want to write about it… but I will say that one part included our bathrooms at work… and someone here was selling cupcake scented and shaped candles…. In the bathroom. That was kinda fun.
In lieu of a dream- I decided to come up with the top ten reasons I would make a terrible contestant on the Bachelor. I hate to say that I have been sucked in this time- but I have. I love this Jake. And not b/c he is smooth and handsome and a pilot… (because to be honest I find him a little creepy- especially on that motorcycle?? HUH?)… but because he tells it like it is… if he doesn’t like a girl- BOOM – she gets sent packing. Just like the real world- only he just would never call her.

Anyway – the top ten reasons I would make a horrible Bachelor contestant.

10. Lack of cocktail attire. All of my dresses would come from Forever 21 or my sorority formals from 10 years ago.

9. Unlimited alcohol consumption = massive hangover = need for Totino’s Party
Pizza= embarrasment for my friends and family. This is something best done in the privacy of your own home.
8. Cuddling.

7. I would be in a pop culture void. After college I lived in Australia and when I came back here everyone was so sick and tired of this song about letting the dogs out… well… guess what? I had never heard it. And I was shamed.

6. Aversion to dates that involve romance.

5. Curly hair does not translate well on camera. I have been told this before when I did a little thing for the Aurora, CO public access station.

4. I wouldn’t be able to update my facebook status. Torture.

3. I am too old. Let’s face facts.

2. I am allergic to public humiliation. And even if I did think this guy was a douchebag- if he didn’t give me a rose I would probably still cry.

1. My heart belongs to Bret Michaels.

One more thing now that I've gotten started...

So people ask… Kacee, why are you a vegetarian. Well, the answer is two fold. 1. Meat and I don’t get along in the digestive sense and 2. I don’t like chewing. So it was a natural conclusion that I would give it up. And now I have more room for cheese.

I won’t use this blog as a place to be mean to people or to be passive aggressive about my relationships or to complain about things that are sucky. I like my life, and lots of time things don’t go my way… but the old saying about how life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it is totally true. I don’t take a lot of time to feel sorry for myself… I’d rather laugh about it. AND lucky for all of you- you get to laugh along.

I will also try not to talk about my pets too often to avoid any cat person labels. I don’t have children, or a husband- which contrary to the belief of the people my mom runs into at Walmart… it’s ok. My mom actually told me that about five years ago (when I was just 26, mind you) a lady I know came up to her and asked if I was married. When my mom told her no, she was like “Oh… that’s too bad.”

Nice.

And for those of you who were wondering- yes, yesterday I really did get trapped inside the Arapahoe County library. The doors shut and wouldn’t open and who made this discovery and subsequently started panicking? Me. I jumped back in forth in front of it for about two minutes... then I had to rush back inside and get someone’s attention until I could be freed. Also there was a very nice Ethiopian gentleman laughing at me the entire time. THEN I did go to TJ Maxx looking for handweights and came home with a ThighMaster instead. So far so good.

I really do miss bacon.

So basically I decided to do this after a friend suggested it... mostly because the other night I had a dream I was dating my friend Maria's boyfriend (John- and yes I told him this) ... while she was also dating him... and we had to go pick up Loretta Lynn because she had been in a drunk driving accident in my hometown of Bolivar, MO.... oh and I had just seen her at the gym. AND we were on the school bus. Which is another recurring theme in my dreams- and I will tell you more about it later.

Lots of weird stuff happens to me and for the most part I love it... because it makes everyone laugh. And I have a pretty good sense of humor about myself.

Anyway- I couldn't come up with a super sexy title for my blog... but let's be honest I really do miss bacon. I've been vegetarian for almost 9 years now and bacon is the one thing I think about a lot. I'm happy to change the name of the blog- but if you really want to know something about me- it is that I really miss bacon.